To Whomever It May Concern,
It can be hard growing up, even more so when you have bad or absent parents. There's quite a lot I wish I could go back and tell my younger self, but obviously that's currently impossible (hurry up science). Hopefully some of what I have to say will help you all.
Bad things happen in broken homes, that's a given. It's important to remember that it's not your fault. I know that sounds pretty obvious, but emotions don't run on logic, and oftentimes the trauma of the past disregards obvious thought. Your parents are fully responsible for how they act, and who they are, not you. Just like you are now fully responsible for how you act and who you are. It is our responsibility to be introspective and work on ourselves. No, you're not going to fix everything overnight, nor are you ever going to be perfect, no one is. But once you come to terms with why you are the way you are, and learn how to operate yourself, you'll truly gain control over how you want to be and the impact you want to have. Think of it like two different vehicles, an automatic versus manual car. Each has it's own set of things necessary to learn to drive, and unique maintenance procedures that the other doesn't have. Except everyone is a manual car with a number of different versions. Learn who you are, why you do what you do, and how to best maintain yourself. I'm still not sure who I am, but I do what I do to give what knowledge I have to those I care about and to bring laughter to people who need it most. I need constant learning, a clean environment, and challenge to keep going at my best. The only other thing I haven't mentioned is that you have to learn what wrecks your car. Unlike a vehicle, you can identify said problems and learn how to better deal with them when they inevitably pop up. You can learn and adapt to who you are now, and become greater than ever. Don't let past trauma ruin who you are and who you can become.
Building on that last note, the past is passed. No matter how hard you try, how many tears you cry, or how much you numb pain, it won't change what's done. One of the greatest feats of any life is making peace with the past and moving forward. Making peace, however, doesn't mean forgetting, or ignoring. Ignoring or forgetting the past leads to buried problems. You can't deal with a situation that you aren't aware of. The other reason I bring this up, is because I've come across many people that, although they have gotten through the physical events, they never dealt with them emotionally and mentally. Things have to be dealt with, so you can move on, otherwise it will keep coming up again and again, worse each time. It's better to gather the strength to face something now, than to be haunted by ghosts for the rest of your life. A last bit, even though it goes against many pieces of life advice, hold people responsible for their past behavior. Don't get obsessed, don't dwell on it, but also don't forget. My past shaped who I am, and I fully expect to be held responsible for everything I did and do. If you've made poor choices, acknowledge them and move forward. If you've been someone you no longer want to be, choose differently going forward, but don't pretend like those impacts you had never happened. Own your past, every single bit of it. Take responsibility for yourself, and expect it of others. We all make mistakes and bad choices, it's okay. Learn from them and move on.
Remember that you're not alone. It can seem at times that no one else around you understands what it's like, which can be true. But I can promise you that there are more people out there than you could ever have thought possible who do. And there are even those who don't understand but are willing to listen and learn. You're not alone. You might feel lonely, sad, hurt, diffident, but I know there are people out there who understand. Avoid people who just put you down, and those who enable bad behavior or let you stagnate. Find those people who, even if they don't fully understand, push you to be better, who try to understand, who care, and don't push them away. Last of all, carry this forward to anyone you meet who has been in these shoes. No one deserves to be left to fight it alone.
The last thought that comes to mind is to always be grateful for what you do have. Whether it's one good parent, maybe two, maybe some good friends or a fulfilling hobby, appreciate the good you do have. Whatever you don't appreciate, will find itself out of your life soon enough. While it's important to not be ignorant of reality, a life spent on what's missing rather than focusing on what there is and what can be made is a dark road you don't want to go down. Trust me.
If you don't feel understood, I promise you I will understand. If you feel alone, I'm here. If you need guidance, it's probably already being uttered. If you need a laugh, I'm already on the way. If there's something I can teach, I will. Don't ever forget how awesome you are, or how amazing you can become. Always keep moving forward, I believe in you all.
It can be hard growing up, even more so when you have bad or absent parents. There's quite a lot I wish I could go back and tell my younger self, but obviously that's currently impossible (hurry up science). Hopefully some of what I have to say will help you all.
Bad things happen in broken homes, that's a given. It's important to remember that it's not your fault. I know that sounds pretty obvious, but emotions don't run on logic, and oftentimes the trauma of the past disregards obvious thought. Your parents are fully responsible for how they act, and who they are, not you. Just like you are now fully responsible for how you act and who you are. It is our responsibility to be introspective and work on ourselves. No, you're not going to fix everything overnight, nor are you ever going to be perfect, no one is. But once you come to terms with why you are the way you are, and learn how to operate yourself, you'll truly gain control over how you want to be and the impact you want to have. Think of it like two different vehicles, an automatic versus manual car. Each has it's own set of things necessary to learn to drive, and unique maintenance procedures that the other doesn't have. Except everyone is a manual car with a number of different versions. Learn who you are, why you do what you do, and how to best maintain yourself. I'm still not sure who I am, but I do what I do to give what knowledge I have to those I care about and to bring laughter to people who need it most. I need constant learning, a clean environment, and challenge to keep going at my best. The only other thing I haven't mentioned is that you have to learn what wrecks your car. Unlike a vehicle, you can identify said problems and learn how to better deal with them when they inevitably pop up. You can learn and adapt to who you are now, and become greater than ever. Don't let past trauma ruin who you are and who you can become.
Building on that last note, the past is passed. No matter how hard you try, how many tears you cry, or how much you numb pain, it won't change what's done. One of the greatest feats of any life is making peace with the past and moving forward. Making peace, however, doesn't mean forgetting, or ignoring. Ignoring or forgetting the past leads to buried problems. You can't deal with a situation that you aren't aware of. The other reason I bring this up, is because I've come across many people that, although they have gotten through the physical events, they never dealt with them emotionally and mentally. Things have to be dealt with, so you can move on, otherwise it will keep coming up again and again, worse each time. It's better to gather the strength to face something now, than to be haunted by ghosts for the rest of your life. A last bit, even though it goes against many pieces of life advice, hold people responsible for their past behavior. Don't get obsessed, don't dwell on it, but also don't forget. My past shaped who I am, and I fully expect to be held responsible for everything I did and do. If you've made poor choices, acknowledge them and move forward. If you've been someone you no longer want to be, choose differently going forward, but don't pretend like those impacts you had never happened. Own your past, every single bit of it. Take responsibility for yourself, and expect it of others. We all make mistakes and bad choices, it's okay. Learn from them and move on.
Remember that you're not alone. It can seem at times that no one else around you understands what it's like, which can be true. But I can promise you that there are more people out there than you could ever have thought possible who do. And there are even those who don't understand but are willing to listen and learn. You're not alone. You might feel lonely, sad, hurt, diffident, but I know there are people out there who understand. Avoid people who just put you down, and those who enable bad behavior or let you stagnate. Find those people who, even if they don't fully understand, push you to be better, who try to understand, who care, and don't push them away. Last of all, carry this forward to anyone you meet who has been in these shoes. No one deserves to be left to fight it alone.
The last thought that comes to mind is to always be grateful for what you do have. Whether it's one good parent, maybe two, maybe some good friends or a fulfilling hobby, appreciate the good you do have. Whatever you don't appreciate, will find itself out of your life soon enough. While it's important to not be ignorant of reality, a life spent on what's missing rather than focusing on what there is and what can be made is a dark road you don't want to go down. Trust me.
If you don't feel understood, I promise you I will understand. If you feel alone, I'm here. If you need guidance, it's probably already being uttered. If you need a laugh, I'm already on the way. If there's something I can teach, I will. Don't ever forget how awesome you are, or how amazing you can become. Always keep moving forward, I believe in you all.
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